The Official Manual of the F.B.I.

Now that i have aroused the interest of the GCSB with my catchy title, let me explain the wonder that is the "official manual of the F.B.I. Over the last few days i have been posting extracts from the aforementioned manual to Facebook.

Firstly to share this newly discovered wisdom and also as material for a short story. All names of repliers to posts are withheld.

Aue Tuhoe

September 18

regulation 3.7: Official inspectors of the F.B.I. will be identified by their regulation timeliness and extruded belly (work hazard as covered by your collective agreement). With hands able to handle hot bread, non slip soles to avoid slipping on melted butter spills and of course a well honed pallette.
(extract from the official manual of the F.B.I)

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• (Name withheld), (Name withheld) and (Name withheld) like this.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Aue Tuhoe

  September 17
  

  regualtion 2.4 The inherent health benefits of correctly prepared and fried Bread are as follows: 1. Its yum therefore is a great stimulus for your pleasure centres of your brain. The endorphins released will add vitality to an otherwise stink day. 2. Its yum therefore the people around you will benefit too, sharing is caring. 3. Its yum therefore the negative effects of deep fried fatty foods are negated by it being yum. 4. Its yum any depression is eliviated by its yummyness.

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  • (Name withheld), (Name withheld), (Name withheld) and 11 others like this.
  • 

    Aue Tuhoe (extract from the official manual of the F.B.I.)

    Like · Reply · 1 · September 17 at 4:55pm
  • (Name withheld) F.B.I...Fried Bread Inspector. Need to do up some shiny gold FBI badges for all those beautiful kuia cranking out the goodness to go with our butter and golden syrup 

    Unlike · Reply · 3 · September 17 at 5:07pm
  • (Name withheld) word.

    Unlike · Reply · 1 · September 17 at 5:33pm

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    Aue Tuhoe

    September 17
    

    regulation 2.1: Only full fat butter is to be used as spread on your fried bread. Margarine and any other science experiments are strickly forbidden. Extra topping such as Golden Syrup, Jam or Jelly shall only be appied post butter not the other way around.
    (extract from the official manual of the F.B.I)

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    • (name withheld), (name withheld), (name withheld) and 26 others like this.
    • (name withheld) Oh, I dont think we have that book in our library.....

      Unlike · Reply · 1 · September 17 at 4:48pm
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      (name withheld) hahahaha bro you should have it. Crucial piece of literature.

      Like · 1 · September 17 at 4:49pm
    • (name withheld) Damn you Ati now I'm hungry for fried bread.

      Unlike · 2 · September 17 at 4:57pm
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      Aue Tuhoe me too

      Like · September 17 at 4:59pm
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      (name withheld) Love how i spelt strickly instead of strictly

      Like · Reply · 1 · September 17 at 4:50pm
    • (name withheld) Where can I get this official manual of the F.B.I?

      Like · Reply · September 17 at 4:55pm
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      Aue Tuhoe im taking orders. I will forward your order on to our special branch. and get it out to you as soon as we find our special branch

      Like · 1 · September 17 at 5:00pm
    • (name withheld) Oh I thought you were talking about fried bread there. Poos.

      Like · September 17 at 5:01pm
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      (name withheld) and appied??strickly englush...lol

      Unlike · 1 · September 17 at 5:02pm
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      Aue Tuhoe i know bro the FBI aint the best spellers

      Like · September 17 at 7:04pm
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      (name withheld) Stop now I'm so hungry for fried bread now !

      Unlike · Reply · 2 · September 17 at 5:29pm via mobile
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      (name withheld) F.B.I Fried Bread Intelligence

      Unlike · Reply · 2 · September 17 at 5:37pm
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      Aue Tuhoe inspectors

      Like · September 17 at 7:04pm
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      (name withheld) We obviously share the same genetic makeup! Nothing but REAL butter with golden syrup, good home-made jelly, or jam 

      Unlike · Reply · 2 · September 17 at 5:53pm · Edited
    • (name withheld)I'm thinking I might need to get my fry on..........

      Like · Reply · September 17 at 7:05pm via mobile
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      Aue Tuhoe You know we can post field officers out for inspections. Remember always blow on your hot bread

      Like · 1 · September 17 at 7:08pm
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    • (name withheld) Excuse Mr F.B.I - should floaters have yeast in them? I think not......

      Like · Reply · September 17 at 7:08pm via mobile
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      Aue Tuhoe let me refer to the official manual.....on consulting the manual its seemd that the only objections may arise (ha!) from any Jewish folk as the leavening effect of the yeast make it unsuitable for a kosher diet. Otherwise fine.

      Like · 1 · September 17 at 7:10pm
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    • (name withheld)You are on FIYAH bro! Thank u. What did we do before pukamata??

      Like · Reply · September 17 at 7:11pm via mobile
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      Aue Tuhoe actually talk to people haha. True though i get to talk more to friends via pukamata than i real life. Depressing really. Lucky we have fried bread.

      Like · 3 · September 17 at 7:12pm
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    • (name withheld) Yep. U n (name withheld)may have to come over for supper.

      Like · Reply · September 17 at 7:14pm via mobile
    • (name withheld) love it!funny!

      Like · Reply · September 18 at 1:09pm
      
      
      
      

      

      Aue Tuhoe

      September 17

      regulation 3.9: When frying your bread it is advisable to not over crowd the fryer. Lard to dough ratio should be ideally 2:1.
      (extract from the official manual of the F.B.I)

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      • (name withheld) (name withheld), (name withheld) and 6 others like this.
      • (name withheld) Bro!
        Mouth is watering hard out. Can not even think!
        Full on food-porn.
        Better then the pics the kanak's back in Hawai'i are always posting....See More

        Like · Reply · September 17 at 9:45pm
      • (name withheld) And bro, the wetter the dough, the lighter the bread. Thats how you make clouds!

        Like · Reply · September 18 at 7:59am via mobile
      • (name withheld) lol

        Like · Reply · September 18 at 1:52pm

        
        

        
        

        

        Aue Tuhoe

        September 18

        regulation 5.7: These regulations are based on the scientific research undertaken over many years. Innovations such as hummus, harrissa, pesto or cheese are strickly forbidden. Leave those for your Pita pockets and Vogels.
        (extract from the official manual of the F.B.I.)

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        • (name withheld), (name withheld), (name withheld) and 6 others like this.
        • (name withheld) soooo true

          Like · Reply · September 18 at 8:14am via mobile
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          (name withheld) I'm glad that the Fried Bread Institute is finally laying down a strict set of rules. 

          Unlike · Reply · 1 · September 18 at 8:28am · Edited